I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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