I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's shark week go big or go home
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
