i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
A+ Viking dick
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
