my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
