I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
