Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
