Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize