..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
