No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
