He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
