Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
