Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
