How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
