just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
