Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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