I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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