It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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