How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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