i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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