Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
