so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
