Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
