Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
