tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
