your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
