Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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