I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
