My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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