alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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