New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
