my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
