could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
