y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
