I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
