is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is Oprah even human
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
