I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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