I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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