Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize