i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize