yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
