well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
