If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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