he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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