I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
