I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
