Your tits are I can't wait for
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
