i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
