he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
