I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
