Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
