Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
