If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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