Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
