yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
