Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
