I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my poor anus
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
