her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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