I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
