My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
