all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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