You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
