i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize