You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
