Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
