I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
