you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
