So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
