I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
