I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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