I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
