No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Randomize
