I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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