i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
