turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize