Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
