I'm jealous of your bromance
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
