The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
