You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
