Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize